Speak Now

Joe is waiting to talk. He often touches another person's lips to indicate "I want to talk too." He knows other people form words with their lips; he doesn't understand why the muscles in his mouth and jaw are so weak, they can't sustain speech. Every month I call our local senator's office and remind him about the amendment to NYS Medicaid law, to allow Joe to have the prescribed supplement which will strengthen his muscles and let him form words with his lips, like everyone else. The bill is waiting approval to be put on the agenda so the committee can discuss it. Really? Are we kidding? Must call more senators, or see if PA will be more accepting of children like Joe. How long will he have to wait? This is a rare photo of Joe actually looking at the camera. Joe will do things for Maggie he won't do for anyone else, even his twin. She just says, "Joe, look," and he does.

Nicholas

Born on the Feast of the Annunciation, the day our Blessed Mother discovered she was to be the mother of the Messiah. What a perfect way to celebrate the birth of another firstborn son! Three very tired people: Elizabeth, brand-new son, Nicholas, and her husband, John. After twenty-something hours of labor, no drugs, plenty of grit and determination, Elizabeth delivered her son. She and John were amazingly in sync throughout labor and delivery, even handling the constant re-hooking of the baby monitor and IV with grace. Labor is challenging enough without constantly watching to be sure you don't get tangled up in the machinery monitoring your baby's heartbeat. It was a joy-filled experience to be there for labor and delivery, helping Elizabeth brace and re-position for each push. She gripped my hands so hard I thought they must be broken, then pushed against me again and again, for hours. John and I were on either side, literally guiding Elizabeth so she wouldn't fall off the narrow hospital bed as she moved about. The doctor, midwife and doula came in and out, checking monitors, coaching, massaging, encouraging. The pains continued, harder and faster until Nicholas' head finally emerged, then slippery as a fish, his shoulders, torso, long legs kicking. John and I just looked at each other, standing on either side of Elizabeth, and laughed for sheer happiness. No matter how many times you go through this, it's always a gift from the Lord, this new person emerging into the world. My arms and shoulders would ache for days afterwards. No matter. Nicholas is here!

Someone To?

So, I moved, two hours away, into Pennsylvania. It felt so strange to leave the house where I'd raised my five children --four of them were born right there, at home -- but it was time.

It feels scary but invigorating at the same time. Now, I definitely feel single, and very alone. When I have more work, I tell myself, it will feel better. Right now I'm just a stranger, a new person in town. But I will meet people and get involved in things.

I'll be back every month anyway, to check on the house, see Rob and Joe, but I also need to get down to the city, to see Liz, John, and Lucey. Soon, in about a month, my grandson will arrive. Stopped by the co-op to pick up Maggie, taking her to JFK last weekend, I saw the crib is already up and waiting...

I was feeling so trapped in that empty house, in that too-quiet little hamlet, hemmed in by ice and snow, and frequent snowstorms. My life isn't there.

I found a lovely housemate, nice neighborhood, a church I like with daily Mass and other activities. This is a very populated area, lots to do. Certainly a better chance of meeting someone who might be interested in an exclusive relationship. I still hope and pray that will happen. I've spent so many years alone as a single parent, always focused on the children, it would be lovely to find someone who wants to be there for me. Someday, I will.

Meanwhile the Lord is calling me to stay close to Him, to have no fear, only love. Because His love casts out fear.

In The Depths of Winter

Came home from work, went out to the big kindling box behind the shed, loaded up a container of kindling to put by the back door. Checked that we had plenty of coal next to the stove. Rob had already brought in plenty of logs, but they're all too damp, because he had to dig them out of the snow, the woodpile being almost gone and therefore under the snow...
Sigh, something else to add to my "to do when it's warmer" list -- frame out the wood pile before I order another cord this summer -- so it won't be resting on the ground next January.
Of course, things will be different next winter, as I don't expect anyone will be living in the house full-time. Lucey's off to college, Joe's away at school, Maggie's back from Belgium for a month or so before heading off to Luxembourg, Rob will likely move on after he finishes at the community college this spring, Liz and John are readying their nest for the new little one, and then, who knows where I'll be?
I told God my plans; (He got a nice chuckle out of them, anyway.) Once the kids are gone: get lots of writing done, pay off debts, travel, see the world, maybe meet someone?
Hey, I thought it was a good plan. I've got a nice set of golf clubs sitting in the attic, waiting for my first lesson this spring. Maybe I'll get some putting practice in this winter, before that first grandchild arrives in a few months...